So, if you are limping towards the end of the year, if you are feeling overwhelmed and knackered, remember that this too shall pass. Christmas happens every year and some years its easier/more enjoyable than others.

Christmas isn’t a competition, it’s not the time to be comparing ourselves to our friends and families – we all do things differently, there is always other stuff going on that we don’t see. Give yourself a break and resist the doom scrolling.

If this year has been a tough one, well done for getting this far – you’re AMAZING!

If this year has been a celebratory one, well done for your achievements – you’re AMAZING!

I hope that you all get some time to do something magical this season, that you find time to be kind as kindness costs nothing and can make the BIGGEST difference. If you are really struggling, don’t struggle on your own – there are many organisations out there at the end of a phone that are there to listen and they’re brilliant at it.

Sending you all much love and magic this Christmas and I look forward to blogging again in 2025!

The post Time to take a break….. appeared first on KATE TILSTON - PRACTICAL LIFE COACH.

The joy of giving.

However, if you enjoy buying presents, if you like to go out and find thoughtful gifts, read on.

I think where most people fall down when buying presents is firstly making assumptions on what people would like based on their own tastes. Easy to do and totally understandable but buying thoughtful presents takes a little more effort than that.

Secondly, and ironically, it’s then overthinking the purchase, doubting yourself and then procrastinating wildly and it then takes forever to work through your present list.

It’s all in the planning.

So, before you start buying anything, identify whom you are buying for and how much you want to spend. I would recommend writing this all down, maybe in a list format. Then against each person you can make notes as to whether this present has to be sent in the post or handed over in person (important consideration.)

Ideas for thoughtful gifts.

Obviously, everyone has different ideas about “thoughtful gifts” but below is a selection of ideas that might work for you;

• The bundle of books – this can be a pile of paperbacks purchased from a charity shop, that way you can buy a load and then wrap up with some ribbon.
• Theatre/gallery vouchers – these don’t have to be the full amount for tickets but can go towards a special day out.
• Photo books – great for a friend with whom you have a long history with.
• Personalised journals – buy a plain but beautiful notebook, add a photo of your own to the front and create a gratitude journal. You can even write on the first page; how grateful you are to have them in your life!
• Care package – fill a box with little things, a nice hand cream, a sparkly nail varnish, a little packet of sweets. Things that are personal to that person.

What would someone else appreciate?

Take time to really think about what this person would appreciate. It might be that they never treat themselves to lovely aromatherapy bath oil and just because it wouldn’t be a treat for you, don’t underestimate how much they’d enjoy this gift.

Don’t overthink it.

Don’t over think – just the fact you are thinking about someone and looking to buy/make them something thoughtful will be appreciated by the receiver.

If you start planning early, you’ll have time to buy the thoughtful gifts and enjoy the process of doing so.

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Saying no.

Most of us find it really quite hard to say no. We like to be nice; we like to please people and we also worry that if we turn things down, we won’t get asked again. All of these feelings are totally understandable but not necessarily a good reason to say YES.

So, how do we learn to say no?

Firstly, I would recommend you putting yourself in a position where you have time to think about the invite. This isn’t always possible but IF, you receive a text with an invite, you do not have to reply straight away, you can tell them you will need to check your diary or and with your partner before you get back to them. Give yourself space to think about whether this is something you actually want/can manage to do.

Giving yourself time to say no.

The “no” response: “Thank you so much for thinking of me but unfortunately I can’t make it this time.”

If you are put on the spot, the same applies really – “thank you for the invite, that sounds great, but I do need to check with X or look on the family calendar at home, can I get back to you?”

Why are you saying no?

When you have created that space for yourself, ask yourself whether you are saying yes because it’s something you’d really like to do OR because you are worried about hurting someone’s feelings. Really dig deep and decide if saying yes will serve you well and not put you under added pressure.

What could I be saying yes to?

I really like the coaching question – “By saying no to this, what am I saying yes to?”

So by saying no to an invite to a dinner or drinks party, you could be saying yes to a chilled night at home, a long bath and an early night?

Saying no to a friend’s shopping trip one weekend, you could be saying yes to getting on top of all the jobs on your to do list that have been niggling away at you?

You need to practice saying no.

Learning to say no is like anything, it can feel very uncomfortable at first but if you practice it, it becomes easier, something that can make a big difference to your life and you find out that the world doesn’t cave in if you don’t always say yes!

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It’s not too late to take a little care.

It would be daft and probably untrue to say we can avoid the various lurgies, but we don’t have to put ourselves in the firing line. If that firing line is unavoidable, then what can we do to protect ourselves better?

What can we do to protect ourselves better?

1. A balanced diet – it’s cold, it’s wet, the tendency is to eat rubbish and comfort eat. There is nothing wrong with the occasional stodgy meal, something that cheers us up but planning your meals to include fruit and vegetables, foods that fuel like stews and casseroles will keep some of those bugs at bay.

• Get outdoors – everyday won’t be a wet one. If the sun is shining (even if it’s not) getting outside, breathing in some fresh air and having a good old-fashioned stomp does wonders for the immune system. We should be aiming to get outside as much as we can.

• Supplements – these aren’t for everyone and getting advice on what you can/should take is always advisable but if you are in deficit of certain vitamins and minerals, take the tablets.

• Exercise – Not something we necessarily feel like doing on those cold and gloomy days but moving, whether its walking, running, swimming or a gym work out will make you feel better and you know it.

• Self-care rituals – warm baths using aromatherapy oils or Epsom salts ease aches and pains. Making sure that you protect your skin from the elements with a good moisturiser helps keep our skin hydrated. Regular use of hand creams avoids sore and chapped hands.

These are just a few things that we can put into practice to keep us as healthy as possible over the winter months, they don’t take a lot of planning or use a lot of energy (apart from the exercise) but they can make all the difference.

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Changing the traditions of Christmas.

It can be very difficult to change the traditions of Christmas especially if you have a large family who have always done things a certain way. How do you tell them that it either doesn’t suit you this year or no longer suits you at all?

Perhaps you feel that it’s too important for those you love to try a different style Christmas and I understand that. If we have elderly relatives who look forward to spending time with us, can we really take that away from them after all, in theory, it’s just a day.

However, if you have the opportunity, and it’s something that suits the majority of you in your house, why not try a different approach – it doesn’t need to be massive changes but changing it up a bit can give a very different Christmas vibe.

What can you do?

1. Travel – possibly the obvious one but do you fancy Christmas in another country? A hot Christmas is always quite odd for those in the UK but it’s certainly different – you do have to travel a little further for that.

• A different location – again, another slightly obvious one but renting somewhere in the middle of nowhere or by the sea, somewhere that isn’t “home” can feel very special – you need to be prepared to be well organised for this one as you will need to take EVERYTHING with you.

• A change in meal – why Christmas dinner? You could have a pizza extravaganza; you could pick a different culture or countries food and experiment? Probably not going to go down so well with the traditionalists but it’s a way to change it up.

• Timings – change the way you run the day. Maybe it’s a picnic breakfast watching the sun come up, maybe it’s a long walk in the morning with a snack type lunch rather than slaving over a big Christmas dinner? Perhaps you will have your family dinner on a different day altogether and will have delicious snacks whilst watching rubbish TV on Christmas day?

Doing things differently.

Ultimately, it’s a holiday for many people and taking a look at ways we spend it can not only be refreshing for you but for the others around you. What could you do differently this year for a change?

The post The alternative Christmas. appeared first on KATE TILSTON - PRACTICAL LIFE COACH.

How much sleep do we need?

As a nation, we can become fixated on the number of hours we “need” to sleep. Everywhere we look there are reminders that we should be getting good quality sleep, our 8 hours a night. Social media offers up all sorts of sleep remedies, various therapists suggest ways to create bedtime routines in the hope we will be able to switch off and sleep.

It doesn’t always work. We become tired and find coping with things we normally take in our stride, far more challenging.

Insomnia – it’s a killer!

I have struggled with insomnia most of my life, it’s a bugger and I have learned that I need to find pockets of time to rest otherwise I just fall over.

When I was little, I used to get very anxious when I couldn’t sleep and those of you who also suffer with sleep problems (or lack of it) you get caught up in getting more and more anxious that you are not sleeping that then makes you not sleep.

My lovely Mum would come into my bedroom and offer up various visualisations and meditations (I didn’t know that’s what they were at the time) but more often than not, would suggest that I just rested. She would explain to me very carefully that just because I wasn’t sleeping, I was resting my body and that if I rested my eyes too, it would allow my body to recharge.

Pockets of rest.

So that’s what I do. And if I find that life is feeling overwhelming, if I feel tired and run down and in the need of rest, I find pockets of time to do just that. It doesn’t have to be a long period of time, half an hour just doing nothing, focusing on my breathing with my eyes closed can make all the difference.

Taking care of your mental health.

Pockets of rest are not something you can always plan, you sometimes have to be a little spontaneous BUT if you know you have a busy week ahead, if you know that you are running on empty, identify where you have that odd 30 minutes and mark it as time out. It can increase your productivity and work wonders for your mental health.

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What can you do to start getting organised?

This doesn’t have to be a plan set in stone, we are talking about first discussions, opening up conversations, starting to think what needs to be done?

Initial Plans

1. Start thinking about where you are going to be/want to be/need to be this Christmas as this will have an impact on your preparations.

• If you need to make arrangements with other family members or friends, start putting the feelers out now. They might be horrified that you are asking in October but at least everyone will be on the same page.

• What worked last Christmas? What didn’t. What did you swear to never do again? Be very clear about what you are prepared to compromise on and what you are not.

• Do you need to book accommodation? If so, get it done now so that it’s ticked off the list.

• Write the present list. Things will have changed since last year. There will be those you no longer buy for, the kids who are no longer kids – maybe you agree with friends to stop buying for each other’s kids at a certain age? Write the list and then you can see how many pressies need buying and when.

• Budget. I know, boring to even think about it but crucial if you don’t want to overspend and then spend the rest of the following year paying off debt.

• Start buying some presents. It might feel horribly early but start now and take the pressure off later especially if it’s things like vouchers etc.

• Plan your diary. I appreciate you won’t be able to schedule in the Christmas invites yet, but you know what you can manage – block out a weekend a month between now and Christmas to just be, to have no plans. If you don’t block it out, it won’t happen.

• Research and identify any shows you might wish to book – chat to those you’ll be spending time with and get them booked.

Communication is key.

Talk to each other. Don’t assume that you know what people want do for the holiday. If you chat now about what people would like to do and where they want to be, not only can you then manage expectations but it also might change your plans and in a pleasant way!

The post It’s 12 weeks until Christmas! appeared first on KATE TILSTON - PRACTICAL LIFE COACH.

Focus and approach.

• The Life Coach:
  • Goal-Oriented: Life coaches primarily focus on helping clients achieve specific goals, improve performance, and create actionable plans for personal and professional development.
  • Future-Focused: The emphasis is on the future and creating strategies to reach desired outcomes.
  • Motivation and Accountability: Life coaches often act as motivators and accountability partners, helping clients stay on track with their goals.
• The Counsellor/therapist:
  • Emotional Healing: Counsellors typically address emotional, psychological, and mental health issues. This can include dealing with past traumas, improving mental health, and managing emotional difficulties.
  • Past and Present Focus: Counsellors often work with clients to understand and heal from past experiences and cope with current issues.
  • Therapeutic Techniques: They use various therapeutic techniques and approaches, such as cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), psychoanalysis, or humanistic therapy, to help clients process and resolve their issues.

Training and credentials.

• The Life Coach:
  • Training Programs: Life coaches may complete certification programs from various coaching organisations, but there is no standardised or mandatory training required to become a life coach. They should have either a certificate or a diploma to be insured!
  • No Qualification Required: Life coaching is not a regulated profession, so coaches are not required to have qualified to practice.
• The Counsellor:
  • Formal Education: Counsellors typically have a counselling qualification that is recognised by official bodies.
  • Certification: Counsellors must be qualified to practice which involves completing supervised clinical hours and passing various exams

What can they help with?

• The Life Coach:
  • Personal and Professional Development: Life coaches help with areas such as personal growth, improving relationships, career advancement,  and enhancing overall life satisfaction and balance.
  • Non-Clinical Issues: They do not diagnose or treat mental health disorders although they will often work with their clients to help find strategies to support mental health issues
• The Counsellor:
  • Mental Health: Counsellors are trained to treat mental health disorders, such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD. They can provide support during crises, such as dealing with grief, trauma, or major life changes.

Methods and techniques.

• The Life Coach:
  • Action Plans: Coaches often use goal setting, action plans, and accountability strategies. Accountability plays a big part in coaching.
  • Skill Development: They may focus on developing specific skills, such as time management, communication, and leadership.
• The Counsellor:
  • Therapeutic Interventions: Counsellors use evidence-based therapeutic interventions to help clients understand and change their thoughts, emotions, and behaviours.
  • Insight and Exploration: They often delve into deeper emotional and psychological issues to help clients gain insight and healing.

Relationship dynamics.

• The Life Coach:
  • A collaborative Partnership: The relationship is often seen as a partnership with a strong emphasis on collaboration and support to achieve goals.
• The Counsellor:
  • A therapeutic Relationship: The counsellor-client relationship is more formal and is based on creating a safe, supportive environment for emotional and psychological healing.

Obviously, and with most things, it’s all about finding the right fit for you. Most coaches and counsellors offer a free introductory session to enable you both to find out more about how you could work together.

Personally, for me, Life Coaching focuses on where you are right now and where you want to get to. Counselling is more about where you have been and making sure you are in the right shape to focus on moving forward. Both can be incredibly valuable and make significant differences to your life.

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If you want to get fit and healthy but struggle to commit to the gym or an exercise class, if you lack motivation and just need that support, that encouragement, maybe some accountability, you’d probably consider a personal trainer.

If you feel like your life is running away with you, you lack the right type of support from family and friends and need an objective non-judgmental approach. If you want someone to make you accountable for the goals, you have set yourself then I’d suggest you consider a Life Coach!

There doesn’t have to be something wrong to use a life coach.

There doesn’t have to be something wrong with you to have coaching, it’s about finding the right toolkit to enable you to manage your life to the best of your ability. It’s about looking at your life as it is right now and what you might want or need to change?

If you find the right coach, they will help and support you to make positive change in your life and it might only be teeny weenie changes that have a HUGE impact on day-to-day living, but they will walk alongside you, encourage you and cheer you on!

What’s the cost?

Cost is always something that comes up but a bit like personal training, it depends on the type of coaching, the type of coach – each client is unique and requires different levels of support and this is often reflected in the price. With coaching, you are usually offered a free consultation to see if it would work for you and then the coach will give you an idea of how many sessions are needed so you can budget accordingly – money well spent if it gets you back on track.

I suggest you have a good think about what you are able to afford to commit to coaching regularly (again the number of sessions booked and their regularity, changes from coach to coach) as prices vary so much that it’s easy to get swept up in the enthusiasm of the moment and sign up to something that is actually out of your price range and that will just create added pressure for you.

Coaching can be really rewarding.

I love being a coach, I love watching my clients learn to thrive. Sometimes its watching clients get a grasp on their overwhelm or anxiety. Coaching is so satisfying in the sense that overall, people do know what they need to do to make the change, even if it’s not apparent to them straight away – it’s working through an idea and witnessing that lightbulb moment when something clicks, and life seems clearer again.

Life Changing.

I’ve been honored to witness some amazing life changes with my clients. I’ve cheered watching redundant clients get back into work, I’ve witnessed Mum’s and Dad’s getting home earlier as they’ve organized their days better and experience the joy of being more present in their family life. The people who are juggling many tasks finding some “me time” and learning that their hopes and dreams are also important.

Coaching is great for decluttering the head, for helping you to see the wood for the trees.

So back to the original question, I think a client of mine sums it up best:

“I guess I always thought that seeing a life coach was a bit unnecessary and that people just needed a bit more ‘get up and go’. As I don’t lack motivation, I couldn’t see what a life coach could do for me. Your coach is the friend who understands your talents and personality but is not afraid of asking you challenging questions. They see things objectively, like no friend or family can. They keep you on track with your goals and help you achieve them without you ever feeling nagged at or criticised. They keep you motivated when you feel like you want to give up. One of the best decisions I’ve made.”

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After I had qualified, I remained with the agency whilst building up my client list on the side. It was exhausting but incredibly rewarding and I knew that it was what I wanted to be doing.

A “sliding door” moment.

It took a major road traffic accident where I manage to actually close part of the M25 one Friday afternoon, to push me to take the plunge. I had just returned from sealing a deal with a major brand and was on my way back to the office when a large foreign lorry veered out of control and smacked me into the central reservation of the motorway.

To this day, I still feel incredibly grateful to be alive and although I suffered severe whiplash and bruising, there were no other injuries apart from the very vivid flashbacks I endured until I got some professional help. The emergency services were phenomenal and as I sat in the car, waiting to be cut out (yes it was that bad) I decided I’d had enough of marketing, and it was time to do something else.

Taking the plunge.

I took the plunge. I had some savings and an understanding and supportive partner, but it was a big decision, and I just didn’t know whether I could manage it financially. I was scared, had many sleepless nights and at time doubted my sanity. Who gives up a well-paid job, company car and “perks” like sick pay, holiday pay etc for the unknown?

I did and 18 years later, I am so glad I did.

It wasn’t always easy.

I’m not saying it was easy. There were times we had to borrow money just to pay the bills. Getting the flu sent me into a spiral of anxiety as no work meant no money. I hated having to constantly network and push myself to get new business but once I received the first testimonial from a client and saw how I’d helped them make some considerable changes in their life, it started to feel worth it.

Always Learning

It continues to be hard work, you are constantly learning, updating your knowledge. You can’t be complacent and just expect clients to fall in your lap and you still get sick and still don’t get paid sick pay or for any holidays you might take but it is also HUGELY rewarding.

I LOVE IT!

I have worked and continue to work with some remarkable people. I have witnessed incredible bravery, immense human kindness, people overcoming fears that then set them free. It can be very humbling, at times great fun and also actually life changing, and I get to be part of that.

I hope to coach for many years to come – it’s never been a “job” but is most definitely my vocation and I LOVE IT!

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