“I don’t understand why I’m so tired. I haven’t done anything major today.”

She’d answered emails, done some food shopping, made a few phone calls, sorted out something for one of her children. Nothing dramatic, nothing unusual and yet, by mid-afternoon, she felt flat. Not physically exhausted, but mentally drained – the kind of tiredness that makes it hard to focus or start anything new.

How many tasks are you doing in a day?

When we talked it through, it became clear that it wasn’t the size of the tasks that had drained her, it was the number of them.

The constant switching between roles, the small decisions. The things she’d remembered, organised, followed up on and kept in her head. None of it looked significant on paper, but together it had used up her energy.

Managing your energy.

This is something many people experience, particularly when they are juggling work, home and the day-to-day logistics of life.

We tend to think energy should be reserved for the big things – the important meetings, the major deadlines, the obvious challenges.

The invisible drains.

But in reality, it’s often the small, invisible things that use it up.

Replying to messages you didn’t expect.
Remembering to book appointments.
Thinking ahead.
Making decisions.
Keeping track of everything.

It creates a constant background drain and when your energy is low, everything feels harder than it should.

Practical changes that make all the difference.

The good news is you don’t need to overhaul your life to improve this. Small, practical changes can quickly give you some of your energy back.

1. Notice what actually drains you

For the next day or two, simply pay attention.

At the end of the day, ask yourself:

• What gave me energy today?
• What drained me?
• What didn’t really need to happen at all?

This isn’t about judging yourself; it’s about understanding where your energy is going.

Often, people are surprised by what they discover.

2. Close one open loop

Open loops are the small, unfinished tasks that sit in the background of your mind.

Booking an appointment, replying to a message, dealing with something you’ve been putting off.

Each one takes up more mental space than you realise.

Choose just one and close it.

It will free up more energy than you expect.

3. Stop holding everything in your head

Your brain is excellent at thinking but not always at storing large amounts of information long-term.

When everything stays in your head it creates pressure.

Write things down.

It doesn’t matter whether it’s in a notebook, a planner, or a simple list. The act of moving it out of your mind and onto paper creates immediate relief.

4. Protect a small pocket of time for yourself

This doesn’t need to be hours.

Even 30 minutes where you are not responding, organising or managing anything for anyone else can help reset your energy.

It gives your mind a chance to settle and from there, everything feels more manageable.

Small adjustments = big change.

What became clear for my client was that nothing was “wrong.” She wasn’t incapable or disorganised. She was simply using energy all day long without realising it.

Once she understood this, we were able to make small adjustments. Nothing dramatic. Just practical changes that helped her use her energy more wisely and feel more in control of her days again.

This is often the work I do with clients. Not adding more, but helping people see where their energy is going and putting simple structures in place that make everyday life feel lighter and easier to manage. Because when your energy improves, everything else does too.

The post Where is your energy actually going and how to get some of it back. appeared first on KATE TILSTON - PRACTICAL LIFE COACH.

But meals don’t have to be complicated. With a few smart habits and simple approaches, you can take the pressure off mealtimes, save precious headspace and even turn cooking into something you enjoy rather than endure.

For me, it’s all in the planning. If I make time on a Sunday (doesn’t have to be a Sunday obviously) to plan meals, batch cook etc. I literally dance into the following week, I feel prepared and so much less stressed.

So, here are five sanity-saving ideas to try in the run up until Christmas:

1. Batch It

Cook once, eat twice (or three times). Make extra portions of soups, stews, or chilli and freeze them. This feels particularly wonderful on the nights when energy is low and the fridge looks bare.

2. Tray Magic

Minimal fuss, minimal washing up. Throw chopped veg, a protein of your choice, and some herbs onto a baking tray, roast, and serve. Dinner practically cooks itself while you reclaim some time for other things. There are so many tray bake recipes online that are brilliant for this.

3. Slow Cooker Wins

A slow cooker is like having kitchen back-up. Five minutes of prep in the morning (or the evening before) means dinner is ready when you walk in, no juggling pans after a long day. Again, lots of great recipes online – spend some time finding your favourites.

4. The Shortcut Shelf

Keep a small stock of quick wins in your cupboard or freezer – things like frozen veg, packet rice, fishfingers, packet sauces. They’re not “cheats,” they’re lifesavers when time is tight and you just need to get food on the table without fuss.

5. Meal Mix & Match

Take the pressure off by creating a short list of five go-to meals everyone (or just you) enjoys. Rotate them through the week so planning and shopping feels simple. When meals are predictable, you spend less time deciding and more time enjoying.

Protect your energy.

Quick meal ideas aren’t about cutting corners; they’re about protecting your energy. Whether you’re cooking for a family or for yourself, these small habits ease the daily pressure, free up headspace and create more space for calm in your evenings.

Give yourself permission to factor in a “quick meal” at least once a week. Pick a day that is a high-pressure day and take the pressure off dinner time. It can be a game changer!

The post Quick meal ideas to save time (and sanity) this month. appeared first on KATE TILSTON - PRACTICAL LIFE COACH.

Spring cleaning feels like the natural thing to do at this time of year (well for some of us) and making the time to have a good clear out and declutter can be soothing for the soul.

Where to start?

Like any big clean and de-clutter planning it keeps the stress and overwhelm to a manageable level. Below are some tips that should help.

• Schedule time – don’t just start your clean when you have a “spare 5 minutes” check the diary, allow plenty of time to do a thorough job. It might be that you have to find a couple of days, but they don’t have to be consecutive.

• Stick to the schedule – if you’ve allocated days, stick to them. It’s easy to get distracted by other people or activities. Sticking to the plan will get the job done.

• Pre-plan – make sure that you have done a stock check on any cleaning materials you might need. Nothing worse than starting the job and then finding you don’t have the tools for the task. Pre-planning definitely lessens the overwhelm.

• Set the stage – cleaning/decluttering can feel very therapeutic if you are not rushing. Put your favourite music on, listen to an audio book. Treat yourself to a nice lunch, some snacks. Get the windows open and the air flowing through your home. Treat it as a pleasurable experience rather than a chore.

• The tidiest room – it sounds strange but start with the cleanest and tidiest room. That way you will whizz through the task and have a sense of accomplishment that will drive you on. I often suggest to clients starting with the loo or the bathroom.

• De-cluttering -so that you don’t feel overwhelmed it is important to declutter in bite size chunks. This is something you might need to do over time and is better to do BEFORE you start the big clean, less clutter, easier to clean.

The emotional benefits.

Cleaning and de-cluttering can make a huge difference to how you feel, tidy house, tidy mind – there’s a lot to be said for that.

If you would like some more help with decluttering, my workbook available on my website has many more tips to keep you focused and lessen the overwhelm. www.katetilston.co.uk

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“I’m just so busy”

“There are not enough hours in the day”

“I’m exhausted, it’s non-stop…”

Recognise any of these statements? Are you someone who is constantly talking about how busy they are? Do you have a friend that is always “so busy, so stressed from being so busy?”

To a certain extent, we are ALL busy and depending on our definition of busy, some more than others. Some people like to tell you, constantly, how busy they are. Some rush around showing you how busy they are.

Do you enjoy being busy?

Some people thrive on it but in my experience, on the whole, most people claim that they don’t enjoy it, that it leaves them feeling worn out, stressed, overwhelmed. So why do we make ourselves or allow ourselves to be so busy?

What do you gain from telling people how busy you are?

Sometimes it’s because people need to find reasons for not doing other things. Maybe they forgot a birthday or haven’t been in contact for a long time – it’s easier to say it’s because they’ve been SO busy.

Others are convincing themselves that they are being productive because they are filling up every hour of every day with something.

If you think back to my last blog, it might be a label that you have worn for such a long time that you assume that everyone expects you to be busy, to be leading a hectic life.

Do you need to be so busy?

In coaching sessions with busy clients, we look at their week and what is keeping them so busy. For some, it’s the desire to provide their children with endless activities which often don’t really suit the rest of the family.

Others recognise that they are not using their downtime wisely – endless scrolling eats up valuable time and then they are cramming other tasks into a smaller space and not leaving space for the good stuff.

Over committing.

We can all be guilty of this. Saying yes to things that we then need to find space for in the diary when actually we have been really ‘busy’ for the last few weeks/months and could do with some less busy time.

It’s not always possible to space things out to be less busy BUT what we can do is be aware that some if this is of our own doing. It’s a choice we are making to be busy.

Maybe consider the following.

1. Children do not need to be occupied 24/7 dealing with boredom is a valuable skill to learn. Ask yourself, “do they need to attend quite so many clubs or activities?”
2. Keep an eye on the diary. Once a month have a free weekend – a weekend without plans that allows you to be spontaneous OR rest.
3. By saying “yes” to that social event, what is it that you will have to say “no” to and if that is peace of mind, some time out, is it worth it on the energy scale?
4. What would happen if you stopped telling people how busy you are? How do you think they would respond? How would it make you feel? Is it a label to let go of?
5. What does a less busy life look like for you?

Maybe, before you tell everyone how busy you are, have a think about whether this is your own doing? Perhaps you could change the narrative or actually not say anything at all?

Maybe saying to someone “sorry I haven’t called, when can we get something in the diary to catch up properly?” Could that be enough?

Like everything, it’s all about balance and choices and the only person that can change that is you.

If you don’t want to be busy……don’t be!

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How many of you have contacts in either of those places that you don’t see or hear from anymore?

Accumulating people.

It is inevitable in most people’s lives that as they grow older, they accumulate more and more contacts – (don’t even start me on Face Book and Linked In!) and this can often feel overwhelming particularly if you are someone who has prided themselves in the past on keeping in regular contact with as many of those people as possible. It’s also exhausting and to be quite honest, nigh on impossible.

If you think about it, we collect friends as we go through life. Some might be from school, Uni, work or friends you’ve met through various social activities, or you’ve been introduced by other friends – one thing is for certain, there will be a variety of people some of whom no longer serve you well.

We have all changed.

Now that might sound a little harsh, but if you have a think about how you have changed over the years, how your personality has developed over time, perhaps your tastes and interests have changed, it figures that theirs will have done so too.

With more and more pressure to “add friends” by the click of a button, we sometimes don’t stop long enough to ask ourselves whether this is an “actual” friend that we wish to invest time and energy into, or a social media “friend” who if we’re being really honest, we have very little real interest in apart from to see what they’ve been up to over the last X number of years?

Decluttering your contacts list.

One of the exercises I do with many of my clients is to ask them to go through their address book and phone contacts to have a bit of a de-clutter. It’s an interestingly tricky thing to do for most people. We find ourselves saying things like “oh well, I went to school with them, it’s nice to keep in touch.” – Do you though, or are they someone that you no longer have anything in common with? Or, we say “I worked with them many years ago, I might need to get in touch with them at some point.” – Will you though, or are they sitting there taking up mental space or making you feel guilty that you haven’t made the effort to stay in touch?

Probably the most difficult de-cluttering is those who you have had more regular contact with but for whatever reason, their friendship no longer works for you, but it feels mean to cut the ties.

It’s time to be honest with yourself.

I think we need to be realistic and ask ourselves whether the energy you’re investing into this person is worth it? Friendship is a two-way thing and if you’re the one that makes all the effort, is this person a friend or someone that is around because they are getting something out of it without having to do very much.

Friends that we meet through others can be a tough one. If one of your best mates introduces you to another of their friends, should you automatically get on with them? Surely you will all have a lot in common. What if you don’t? You can still have a pleasant relationship that allows you to share social occasions with your mate & his/her other friend without adding them to you literal/mental phone book and having yet another person to make effort with.

Time is precious.

With time as precious as it is, with our diaries filling up with things to do and people to see, it strikes me that it’s time to be a little more discerning about who we give our energy away to.

I realise that some people reading this will think that I’m being a little cutthroat about all of this, that’s not my intention.

Use your energy wisely.

Imagine how it would feel if there were not so many people that you felt answerable to? What could you do with that energy? More to the point, how many more lovely things could you do with the people that REALLY matter because you now don’t feel drained by the constant juggling act you’ve been doing?

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The joy of giving.

However, if you enjoy buying presents, if you like to go out and find thoughtful gifts, read on.

I think where most people fall down when buying presents is firstly making assumptions on what people would like based on their own tastes. Easy to do and totally understandable but buying thoughtful presents takes a little more effort than that.

Secondly, and ironically, it’s then overthinking the purchase, doubting yourself and then procrastinating wildly and it then takes forever to work through your present list.

It’s all in the planning.

So, before you start buying anything, identify whom you are buying for and how much you want to spend. I would recommend writing this all down, maybe in a list format. Then against each person you can make notes as to whether this present has to be sent in the post or handed over in person (important consideration.)

Ideas for thoughtful gifts.

Obviously, everyone has different ideas about “thoughtful gifts” but below is a selection of ideas that might work for you;

• The bundle of books – this can be a pile of paperbacks purchased from a charity shop, that way you can buy a load and then wrap up with some ribbon.
• Theatre/gallery vouchers – these don’t have to be the full amount for tickets but can go towards a special day out.
• Photo books – great for a friend with whom you have a long history with.
• Personalised journals – buy a plain but beautiful notebook, add a photo of your own to the front and create a gratitude journal. You can even write on the first page; how grateful you are to have them in your life!
• Care package – fill a box with little things, a nice hand cream, a sparkly nail varnish, a little packet of sweets. Things that are personal to that person.

What would someone else appreciate?

Take time to really think about what this person would appreciate. It might be that they never treat themselves to lovely aromatherapy bath oil and just because it wouldn’t be a treat for you, don’t underestimate how much they’d enjoy this gift.

Don’t overthink it.

Don’t over think – just the fact you are thinking about someone and looking to buy/make them something thoughtful will be appreciated by the receiver.

If you start planning early, you’ll have time to buy the thoughtful gifts and enjoy the process of doing so.

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How much sleep do we need?

As a nation, we can become fixated on the number of hours we “need” to sleep. Everywhere we look there are reminders that we should be getting good quality sleep, our 8 hours a night. Social media offers up all sorts of sleep remedies, various therapists suggest ways to create bedtime routines in the hope we will be able to switch off and sleep.

It doesn’t always work. We become tired and find coping with things we normally take in our stride, far more challenging.

Insomnia – it’s a killer!

I have struggled with insomnia most of my life, it’s a bugger and I have learned that I need to find pockets of time to rest otherwise I just fall over.

When I was little, I used to get very anxious when I couldn’t sleep and those of you who also suffer with sleep problems (or lack of it) you get caught up in getting more and more anxious that you are not sleeping that then makes you not sleep.

My lovely Mum would come into my bedroom and offer up various visualisations and meditations (I didn’t know that’s what they were at the time) but more often than not, would suggest that I just rested. She would explain to me very carefully that just because I wasn’t sleeping, I was resting my body and that if I rested my eyes too, it would allow my body to recharge.

Pockets of rest.

So that’s what I do. And if I find that life is feeling overwhelming, if I feel tired and run down and in the need of rest, I find pockets of time to do just that. It doesn’t have to be a long period of time, half an hour just doing nothing, focusing on my breathing with my eyes closed can make all the difference.

Taking care of your mental health.

Pockets of rest are not something you can always plan, you sometimes have to be a little spontaneous BUT if you know you have a busy week ahead, if you know that you are running on empty, identify where you have that odd 30 minutes and mark it as time out. It can increase your productivity and work wonders for your mental health.

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What can you do to start getting organised?

This doesn’t have to be a plan set in stone, we are talking about first discussions, opening up conversations, starting to think what needs to be done?

Initial Plans

1. Start thinking about where you are going to be/want to be/need to be this Christmas as this will have an impact on your preparations.

• If you need to make arrangements with other family members or friends, start putting the feelers out now. They might be horrified that you are asking in October but at least everyone will be on the same page.

• What worked last Christmas? What didn’t. What did you swear to never do again? Be very clear about what you are prepared to compromise on and what you are not.

• Do you need to book accommodation? If so, get it done now so that it’s ticked off the list.

• Write the present list. Things will have changed since last year. There will be those you no longer buy for, the kids who are no longer kids – maybe you agree with friends to stop buying for each other’s kids at a certain age? Write the list and then you can see how many pressies need buying and when.

• Budget. I know, boring to even think about it but crucial if you don’t want to overspend and then spend the rest of the following year paying off debt.

• Start buying some presents. It might feel horribly early but start now and take the pressure off later especially if it’s things like vouchers etc.

• Plan your diary. I appreciate you won’t be able to schedule in the Christmas invites yet, but you know what you can manage – block out a weekend a month between now and Christmas to just be, to have no plans. If you don’t block it out, it won’t happen.

• Research and identify any shows you might wish to book – chat to those you’ll be spending time with and get them booked.

Communication is key.

Talk to each other. Don’t assume that you know what people want do for the holiday. If you chat now about what people would like to do and where they want to be, not only can you then manage expectations but it also might change your plans and in a pleasant way!

The post It’s 12 weeks until Christmas! appeared first on KATE TILSTON - PRACTICAL LIFE COACH.

As previously discussed, there are many forms of self-care, but I would like to talk about the opportunity to switch off, to put “do not disturb” into play and how, by doing that, it can give us a boost of energy that we may be lacking.

Switching Off.

The general idea is to allocate some time such as a weekend or on a suitable day off where you are able to be non-contactable. This idea is often abhorrent to people but think about it – the way life works now we are constantly in communication with others, we have very little opportunity to take a step back and switch off.

Obviously, in some cases, be uncontactable may not be possible – an elderly parent, someone else that you care for might need you – but you can still limit other contact.

A “do not disturb” weekend.

Recently I decided I wanted a break from talking with people. I also didn’t want to be immersed in what everyone was doing by scrolling through social media. I needed to rest and switch off from other people’s stuff.

Here are some of the things that I put in place –

• I notified those who needed to know and told them how they could get hold of me if there was an emergency.
• I made a conscious decision to avoid social media for the whole weekend – that in itself felt restful.
• I utilised the do not disturb function on my phone so that only those ‘activated’ would be able to get hold of me if they needed to. Not having notifications/texts/messages pinging all the time is wonderful and is very different to just switching your phone onto silent mode.
• I even walked the dog at different times of day avoiding as many people as possible – not because I’m anti-social but I just wanted some peace. Lovely!

Would this work for you? It doesn’t have to be a weekend, it can be a day, an afternoon – just a set period of time where you aren’t answerable to others. I appreciate that this isn’t always possible but if you do get the chance, try it, it can be a game changer.

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These days, there is less paperwork to declutter on the whole, but where do you start with what you have?

Dealing with paperwork.

1. As with all decluttering (link to one of the other features), it’s all in the preparation. What do you store important documents in? Do you have an appropriate file? If not, purchase one. I suggest a concertina file that’s easy to store and can be divided into sections.
2. Allocate time – don’t do this when you are tired. This can be a good task to do whilst watching something or listening to something.
3. Get all your paperwork in front of you. Pile into categories e.g. insurance documents, utility bills, mortgage information.
4. As a general rule of thumb, keep… utility bills and bank statements for one year, and tax records for seven years. Other documents, such as birth certificates, marriage certificates, you obviously need to keep indefinitely.
5. Once you’ve sorted out what needs to be kept, file away what’s left in whatever secure storage you have. Everything else SHRED.

Staying on top of it!

The art of staying on top of paperwork, whether it be actual paper or digital copies, is regularly setting aside time to “file it.” If you can allocate a set hour a week or fortnightly (depending on the amount you get) it’s far easier to keep your records in check. That way they they don’t become overwhelming and metaphorically (or literally!) pile up on the kitchen work top.

The digital declutter.

Every now and again, a digital declutter is great for our wellbeing. I’m not talking about the things that fall into the categories discussed above, but our social media feeds.

• Do you follow people that no longer bring you joy?
• Are some of the posts no longer relevant to where you are now?
• Who could you unfollow to make room for more interesting and uplifting content?

Clearing out your social media of those things and people who no longer serve you well can feel really cathartic. Maybe it’s a case of snoozing or muting, as well as unfollowing some accounts.

If you clear the space of the stuff that pulls you down, you can then enjoy seeking out the stuff that lifts you up, that interests you, motivates and inspires you.

This is another task that has unexpected mental health benefits – and who doesn’t love being on top of their clutter?

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