However……as I have learned myself, sometimes concentrating on the present moment and focusing on what is actually in front of us can be much better for our wellbeing.

Having a plan.

Plans are great; they allow us to feel in control, give us perspective and help us focus on what we want and need to achieve both at work and at home. They also mean that we can get so caught up in planning that we don’t enjoy the moment.

How many times have you made a plan and then a curve ball comes in, causing the plan to change significantly or not happen at all? Does it throw you? Have you been so focused on what’s happening next that you have missed what’s happening now?

Making the most of time.

I think as you get older, certainly for me, you witness events that you really were not expecting, things that you couldn’t, wouldn’t have ever planned for and all of a sudden you become very aware of the importance of time and making the most of it.

How often do you find yourself looking back at the weeks that have whizzed by and wondering what you’ve actually done and I’m not talking about being productive here, more a case of “oh my god a whole month has passed….”

How do we learn to be more present?

Below, you will find some ideas that I have worked on in my own life and also worked on with clients – maybe they can help you too?

1. Don’t over commit – sometimes we are so busy planning ahead, trying to fit everyone and everything in, we leave no gaps in the diary. This leads to feeling overwhelmed and constantly juggling to keep everybody happy. Not booking things too far in advance leaves space for more spontaneous activity.

• Appreciate the now – this takes practice and also an element of slowing things down but taking the time to look around you and appreciate where you are, what you are doing and who you are with reminds you to be present.

• Get off the phone – be present for those you are with. Listen to them, learn to NOT multi task. Your time is a precious gift and learning to be fully present with those around you not only improves relationships but gives you a sense of wellbeing.

• It’s the little things – savour the early morning cup of tea, breathe in the fresh air, notice how your delicious sandwich tastes, notice the birds singing, concentrate on the senses. Literally stop and “smell the roses.”

• Here and now – what can you actually do right here, right now. If it’s at work, what do you need to concentrate on, to focus on to get the job done? Outside work, what is right in front of you – what do you need/want to do right now, less procrastinating, more focusing on the now.

Focusing on the now.

Living in the present takes practice, we are so used to planning, to constantly looking to what is happening next that we forget to concentrate on now. As odd as it can feel, it can also be strangely liberating.

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How many of you have contacts in either of those places that you don’t see or hear from anymore?

Accumulating people.

It is inevitable in most people’s lives that as they grow older, they accumulate more and more contacts – (don’t even start me on Face Book and Linked In!) and this can often feel overwhelming particularly if you are someone who has prided themselves in the past on keeping in regular contact with as many of those people as possible. It’s also exhausting and to be quite honest, nigh on impossible.

If you think about it, we collect friends as we go through life. Some might be from school, Uni, work or friends you’ve met through various social activities, or you’ve been introduced by other friends – one thing is for certain, there will be a variety of people some of whom no longer serve you well.

We have all changed.

Now that might sound a little harsh, but if you have a think about how you have changed over the years, how your personality has developed over time, perhaps your tastes and interests have changed, it figures that theirs will have done so too.

With more and more pressure to “add friends” by the click of a button, we sometimes don’t stop long enough to ask ourselves whether this is an “actual” friend that we wish to invest time and energy into, or a social media “friend” who if we’re being really honest, we have very little real interest in apart from to see what they’ve been up to over the last X number of years?

Decluttering your contacts list.

One of the exercises I do with many of my clients is to ask them to go through their address book and phone contacts to have a bit of a de-clutter. It’s an interestingly tricky thing to do for most people. We find ourselves saying things like “oh well, I went to school with them, it’s nice to keep in touch.” – Do you though, or are they someone that you no longer have anything in common with? Or, we say “I worked with them many years ago, I might need to get in touch with them at some point.” – Will you though, or are they sitting there taking up mental space or making you feel guilty that you haven’t made the effort to stay in touch?

Probably the most difficult de-cluttering is those who you have had more regular contact with but for whatever reason, their friendship no longer works for you, but it feels mean to cut the ties.

It’s time to be honest with yourself.

I think we need to be realistic and ask ourselves whether the energy you’re investing into this person is worth it? Friendship is a two-way thing and if you’re the one that makes all the effort, is this person a friend or someone that is around because they are getting something out of it without having to do very much.

Friends that we meet through others can be a tough one. If one of your best mates introduces you to another of their friends, should you automatically get on with them? Surely you will all have a lot in common. What if you don’t? You can still have a pleasant relationship that allows you to share social occasions with your mate & his/her other friend without adding them to you literal/mental phone book and having yet another person to make effort with.

Time is precious.

With time as precious as it is, with our diaries filling up with things to do and people to see, it strikes me that it’s time to be a little more discerning about who we give our energy away to.

I realise that some people reading this will think that I’m being a little cutthroat about all of this, that’s not my intention.

Use your energy wisely.

Imagine how it would feel if there were not so many people that you felt answerable to? What could you do with that energy? More to the point, how many more lovely things could you do with the people that REALLY matter because you now don’t feel drained by the constant juggling act you’ve been doing?

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