So, who is familiar with this expression?

“Your vibe attracts your tribe” or “your tribe your vibe” or “find your tribe” even “finding your vibe?”

To be quite honest it’s all getting a little bit too much for me and as expressions go, this one is feeding a little overused, what do you think?

I get it, I really do, it’s a hotly debated subject particularly in women’s magazines where a vast amount is written about the importance of finding your tribe which apparently equates to you then finding your vibe? It’s about the energy you give off attracting like-minded souls which does seem really attractive on the face of it but actually how easy is it to do? My other question would be is “is everyone destined for a tribe, are some people more likely to be solo warriors maybe dipping into tribal life on occasion?”

As we get older and we perhaps move around a little more we find ourselves in the situation of having to perhaps start again, meet new people, make new friends but finding our tribe can become somewhat more testing. Even those who have stayed in one place for considerable amount of time, their friends might move away or get married have children, have other responsibilities and not be so available and we find our tribe becomes depleted, it’s tricky finding new members with similar energy and outlook on life.

For me I’ve always liked the idea of finding my tribe, I think it’s human nature to want to find people that have the same values and beliefs as me people that can share this particular chapter of my life or maybe future chapters who knows? However, once again the media seems to dictate that if you have not found your tribe you will be continually searching until you do, that somehow you are not in the right place either mentally or physically and that doesn’t feel very healthy to me.

I talk to all sorts of people from all sorts of walks of life and it is fascinating to me how various friendship groups work or don’t and how it can have a huge impact on how we both see ourselves and the world around us. Interestingly many of my female clients between the ages of 40 to mid 50s get very wobbly about their friendship groups, perhaps it’s a peri menopausal or menopausal thing (and before you say it, I don’t mean that in a derogatory way at all)? Perhaps we’re at a stage in life where we are looking to do things differently? I do have a lot of conversations with women in this age group who are seeking out their tribe.

There are those who are longing to find a group of women they can socialise with, a glass of wine at the weekend, weekends away, there are those who perhaps feel the need for just a few close friends who understand them who they can share the ups and downs of life.  I’m sure this has been the case for years – women can be very supportive of women, they can bring out the best in each other and also the worst.

For me, putting this label of “tribe” on this ancient desire for friendships, feels like yet another pressure to be ticking the boxes.

Perhaps I’m wrong? It’s another of those topics that comes up regularly in my coaching sessions where clients asked the question regularly of how do I find my tribe? Where do I go to meet other women who think like me? Together we work through their lifestyle, the time they have in their lives to commit to new friendships and try to work out a plan to enable them to add to their existing friendship group and enjoy new friendships.

For me, I have come to recognise in myself that I don’t actually want to be part of a tribe, I am a solo warrior who loves visiting other’s tribes. I am exceptionally lucky in the fact that I have both male and female friends who were scattered all over the world, I don’t mean that to sound grand I’m just telling you how it is. Probably if I put them all in one room together very few with of them would have anything in common with any of the others but I quite like that, it’s one of the things that makes my life interesting. I’m not saying I’m a loner, I thought about it long and hard and there have been times when I’ve been desperate to find my tribe who appreciate my vibe, but the older I get the more work I do, the more I realise that I don’t have to conform with what is considered normal and actually my friends and friendships are all very individual in their own way and perhaps rather than spending energy which quite frankly I don’t have, chasing around trying to find my tribe, I want to concentrate on the good friends I have making sure I spend time with people I love, respect and appreciate.

So maybe you need or want to find your tribe – it can be done, maybe you have already found it, or maybe you are okay as a solo warrior a gypsy soul moving between tribes and enjoying the variation?